22 years ago, if you were to tell me that I would lead a team of 20 people to advocate for youth leadership while having a constant hunger to improve myself, I’d probably tell you that you are crazy.
I used to think anything and everything went against me and my life was nothing but a failure. It was filled with statements that serve to remind and emphasize that I am the most useless person in the world. Things took a turn for the worse when life decided to take my father away when I was 14. This hit even harder when the last thing I said to him was: “You liar, you always did not fulfill your promise of buying me the things I want”. Everything started to go downhill from there. Every day was just a repetition of the “Why am I still alive in this world” thought and the worst part is I told myself I was fine and tried to put it at the back of my brain. Eventually, these emotions and thoughts drove me into depression and I chose to shut myself off from the entire world. The end result? Suicide attempt.
Well, life decided to extend my torture and let my friends stop me just before I took the “leap of faith”. Unfortunately for life, it made the wrong choice. After the failed attempt and a number of people who supported me, I started to ponder: “Am I ok to accept this kind of life?”. No. I refuse to accept this. I refuse to sit there and do nothing about it. I refuse to just survive. I want to change. I want to have my own stand. I want to LIVE! With that determination in mind, I decided to take my first steps to flip the tables against life.
I started to try a lot of new things: changing my negative mindset, picking up books to read, and even having a daily reflective / meditation session to harvest my everyday learning. As beautiful and ideal as it might sound, reality was harsh and kept slapping me to the ground every time I wanted to deviate from my old self. I was inconsistent, people discouraged me and the thought of giving up just could not go away. But, I refuse to bow down because I decided not to run away but to face those problems head-on as that is the only way to really flip the tables.
The year is now 2022, 3 years have passed since I made the decision to walk on the path of redemption against life. I became a little more consistent in my habits, the thought of giving up became less and I became better at accepting my flaws as a person. Nevertheless, I will keep going because I am aware that this is reality and that I cannot become the perfect human in just 3 years. That is why this will not be the end of my journey, I will keep going and take baby steps to improve myself so that I can flip the tables against life ONE STEP AT A TIME.