Hey, this is a story of a girl who used to be timid and incredulous. A girl with so many perfect friends around her yet she felt so alone, so distant and different from the others. She hated herself for being different, for being not good enough. Sometimes, she wishes to disappear from the world. 

The girl entered the university with so much doubt. Why? First, the course she has been accepted into is not the course that she aimed for since high school. Why won’t she go to a private university? Her family couldn’t afford the fees.  Second, she needs to face new people again. It is not that hard to make new friends, right? It is hard when you are the only alien on the earth. When everyone is laughing together but you kept on missing the jokes. Third, she is afraid of those outlandish subjects. Calculus? Algorithms? What is that? Will she make it? What if she fails them? How will her parents react? Those hopeful eyes, she cannot face it. 

In the university, everyone seems so educated and astute making the girl feels so distant and so insecure of herself. Coup with the voices inside her head saying she’s not good enough makes her depressed. “I studied harder but why is my score lower than everyone?”, “Why is everyone moving forward? Why am i remained in the same place?”, “Why does everyone achieve so many things?” , “Why is she so pretty?” “Why is everyone so perfect?”, “Why am I different from the others?” , “Why can’t I be one of them?” Those questions kept on lingering in the girl’s mind. The world seems so dark, people seem so far away, those hopeful eyes seems so heavy to even look at, those uplifting words felt like a burden and kept on pulling her backward,  the girl felt so small, so terrible. She’s afraid of being left alone while others are moving. Will she make it one day? How can she be like the others? She kept on doubting herself, negative thoughts keep on playing in her head over and over again. She became more distant and do everything alone. She kept on thinking “Should I give up?” No. She wanted to but she didn’t. What did she do? She challenges herself to be better. Better than she was yesterday. 

The girl realized, mourning over things that she could not control is a waste of time. People are born with different talents. Some of them are good in academics, some in sports, some in social skills, and many more. But she believed, talents could be developed. Why do I need to be like the others? I have my own life, my own journey, my own destiny, and my own path to walk. Little by little, the girl started to learn how to appreciate herself more, starting to understand everyone is unique and different from each other, humans need not be the same. The girl starts to change her perspective, there are so many other ways of thinking, and everything has its pros and cons. It is her duty to choose what kind of thinking she wants to have either a positive or negative mindset. The girl started to see the brightness of positive thinking. She tries to think positively. Day by day, she feels herself is enough. She did not want to be like the others, she want to be herself, and she wants to find the best version of herself. 

Instead of comparing yourself with them, embrace the beauty of others. Everyone can be pretty in their own way. It is not her fault that she tried her best but gained lower marks, it is not anyone’s fault that they gained higher. Lower marks do not mean you have failed, it just means you need to learn and work harder. Just like a marathon, everyone has their own pace. Some of them are running, and some just walking. It is their own choice but what’s important is to keep moving! The distance will remain the same, the pace is what we can change. When she changed her mindset, everything seems so beautiful. Now, the girl look at the hopeful eyes as her strength and the uplifting words feels like a booster. Right now, she felt enough. She loves herself for not giving up, for overcoming her fears, for trying to be different, for struggling to be better, for finding her true beauty and she is so thankful that she could love herself more. And the girl is me. Thank you dear self, keep on doing great things! 



Adlina Aminuddin